CASEL for Toddlers: The 5 SEL Skills (Ages 2-6)

What Is CASEL? (And Why Should Parents Care?)

You're at preschool orientation. The teacher mentions "We use a research-based SEL curriculum aligned with CASEL competencies."

You nod along. But internally: What is CASEL? Is that an acronym? Should I know this?

CASEL stands for the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning. It's the leading organization in the United States—and increasingly worldwide—that defines what social-emotional learning (SEL) is and how to teach it effectively.

Founded in 1994 by researchers including Daniel Goleman (author of Emotional Intelligence), CASEL has spent 30 years:

• Identifying the core competencies of social-emotional learning
• Researching which programs actually work
• Creating frameworks for schools to implement SEL
• Advocating for SEL in education policy

Think of CASEL as the "gold standard" for SEL—similar to how Common Core defined academic standards, CASEL defines research-backed standards for social-emotional competence.

Why This Matters for Your Toddler

CASEL's framework was originally designed for K-12 education. But here's the thing: social-emotional skills don't suddenly appear at age 5 when kids start kindergarten.

These competencies have developmental foundations that begin in infancy and build throughout toddlerhood and preschool years. Understanding the CASEL framework helps you:

• Know what to look for: What does healthy social-emotional development look like at each age?
• Understand your child's curriculum: If daycare uses "CASEL-aligned SEL," what does that mean?
• Support development intentionally: How can you build these skills at home?
• Identify gaps or delays: Is my child on track in these areas?

The CASEL Framework: 5 Core Competencies

CASEL identifies five interrelated competencies that together define social-emotional competence:

1. Self-Awareness: Understanding your own emotions, thoughts, and values
2. Self-Management: Regulating emotions and behaviors to reach goals
3. Social Awareness: Understanding and empathizing with others
4. Relationship Skills: Building and maintaining healthy relationships
5. Responsible Decision-Making: Making constructive choices about behavior and social interactions

These competencies are interconnected—growth in one area supports development in others.

Competency 1: Self-Awareness

What CASEL Says (K-12 Definition)

"The ability to accurately recognize one's own emotions, thoughts, and values and how they influence behavior. The ability to accurately assess one's strengths and limitations, with a well-grounded sense of confidence, optimism, and a 'growth mindset.'"

What This Looks Like in Toddlers & Preschoolers

Ages 2-3: Emerging Self-Awareness

• Recognizing basic emotions: Can identify "happy," "sad," "mad" in self (with adult help)
• Recognizing self: Recognizes self in mirror, photos; uses "I," "me," "mine"
• Expressing preferences: "I like trucks!" "I don't want broccoli!"
• Connecting feelings to situations: "I'm sad because Mommy left" (with adult narration)

Ages 3-4: Expanding Emotional Vocabulary

• Naming more emotions: Frustrated, excited, scared, proud, disappointed
• Describing intensity: "A little sad" vs. "very sad"
• Identifying triggers: "I get mad when they take my toy"
• Beginning self-evaluation: "I did it!" (pride in accomplishment)

Ages 4-6: Deeper Self-Understanding

• Complex emotional awareness: Can identify mixed feelings ("I'm excited AND nervous")
• Understanding own strengths: "I'm a fast runner," "I'm good at sharing"
• Recognizing limitations: "That's too hard for me right now"
• Connecting emotions to body: "My heart beats fast when I'm scared"

How to Support Self-Awareness Development

• Emotion coaching: Name feelings you observe: "You look frustrated with that puzzle"
• Emotion check-ins: "How are you feeling right now?" throughout day
• Connect feelings to body: "When you're angry, where do you feel it?"
• Read books about feelings: Identify emotions in characters, discuss
• Model self-awareness: "I'm feeling frustrated. I need to take a deep breath."

Red Flags (When to Seek Evaluation)

• By age 3, cannot identify basic emotions even with prompting
• By age 4, never expresses preferences or seems unaware of own likes/dislikes
• By age 5, cannot connect any emotions to situations

Competency 2: Self-Management

What CASEL Says (K-12 Definition)

"The ability to successfully regulate one's emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in different situations—effectively managing stress, controlling impulses, and motivating oneself."

What This Looks Like in Toddlers & Preschoolers

Ages 2-3: Beginning Regulation (Heavily Parent-Dependent)

• Co-regulation primary: Needs adult help to calm down from big emotions
• Following simple routines: Morning routine, bedtime routine (with support)
• Brief impulse control: Can wait a few seconds for turn (sometimes)
• Using comfort objects: Stuffed animal, blanket for self-soothing

Ages 3-4: Growing Self-Regulation

• Using words instead of actions (sometimes): "I'm mad!" instead of hitting
• Waiting short periods: Can wait 2-3 minutes for turn with support
• Following multi-step routines: Getting dressed sequence, cleanup routine
• Beginning to use coping strategies: Seeking calm corner, asking for help

Ages 4-6: Emerging Independence in Regulation

• Self-soothing strategies: Uses deep breathing, counting (with reminders)
• Delayed gratification: Can wait longer periods for desired item
• Independent routine following: Morning routine with minimal prompts
• Beginning goal-setting: "I want to learn to ride bike"

How to Support Self-Management Development

• Consistent routines: Predictability supports regulation (see our visual schedules article)
• Teach specific strategies: Deep breathing, counting—and PRACTICE when calm
• Co-regulate first: Lend your calm before expecting self-regulation
• Narrate your own regulation: "I'm frustrated, so I'm taking three deep breaths"

Realistic Expectations

Important: Self-management is THE hardest competency for young children because it requires executive function that's barely online at ages 2-6. Don't expect consistent impulse control (won't happen until 6-7+), independent emotional regulation during meltdowns, or calm responses when overwhelmed.

See our Complete Guide to Emotional Regulation for more.

Competency 3: Social Awareness

What CASEL Says (K-12 Definition)

"The ability to take the perspective of and empathize with others, including those from diverse backgrounds and cultures."

What This Looks Like in Toddlers & Preschoolers

Ages 2-3: Beginning to Notice Others

• Noticing others' emotions: Points at crying baby, "Baby sad"
• Responding to distress: May offer comfort item to upset child
• Egocentric perspective: Still assumes everyone sees/feels what they do
• Parallel play: Plays alongside others, watches what they do

Ages 3-4: Developing Empathy

• Identifying emotions in others: "She's crying. She's sad."
• Beginning perspective-taking: "He wants the truck"
• Empathic concern: Genuine distress when others are hurt; tries to help
• Understanding social rules: "We take turns," "We use inside voices"

Ages 4-6: Deepening Social Understanding

• Theory of mind emerging: Understanding others can have different thoughts/feelings
• More sophisticated empathy: "She's sad because she misses her mom"
• Reading social cues: Can tell when someone is annoyed, doesn't want to play
• Fairness concerns: "That's not fair!" (emerging sense of justice)

How to Support Social Awareness Development

• Narrate others' emotions: "Look, your sister is frustrated. See her face?"
• Ask perspective questions: "How do you think he felt when you took his toy?"
• Read diverse books: Books featuring different cultures, family structures, abilities
• Model empathy: "I see that person needs help. Let's hold the door."

Red Flags (When to Seek Evaluation)

• By age 3, shows no reaction to others' distress
• By age 4, cannot identify basic emotions in others even with prompting
• By age 5, shows no understanding that others have different thoughts/feelings

Note: Some children, particularly autistic children, may develop social awareness differently. This doesn't mean they lack empathy—they may need different support.

Competency 4: Relationship Skills

What CASEL Says (K-12 Definition)

"The ability to establish and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships with diverse individuals and groups."

What This Looks Like in Toddlers & Preschoolers

Ages 2-3: Parallel Play to Early Interaction

• Parallel play: Plays near other children, watches them, mostly independent
• Beginning peer interest: Offers toy to another child, imitates actions
• Limited cooperation: Very brief joint play (30 seconds to 2 minutes)
• Expressing needs: "Mine!" "No!" (not polite, but communicating)

Ages 3-4: Emerging Cooperative Play

• Cooperative play begins: Can play with others toward shared goal
• Turn-taking: Can take turns with support/reminders
• Communicating wants: "Can I have a turn?" (with prompting)
• Friendship emergence: "That's my friend!" (beginning to prefer certain peers)

Ages 4-6: Building Relationships

• Sustained cooperative play: Can play with others for 15-30+ minutes
• Negotiation beginning: "You be the mom, I'll be the baby"
• Problem-solving conflicts: "We could take turns" (generating solutions)
• Friendships deepen: Preferred friends, wanting specific peers for playdates

How to Support Relationship Skills Development

• Facilitate playdates: Supervised peer interactions (start short—30-60 minutes)
• Coach turn-taking: Use timers, "First you, then me" language
• Mediate conflicts: Don't solve for them—guide: "What could you try?"
• Model communication: "I'd like a turn, please," "Thank you for sharing"

Common Challenges

• Sharing is genuinely hard: Understanding of ownership developing ages 2-4
• Aggressive conflict resolution: Hitting/pushing normal for 2-3s (see our hitting article)
• Difficulty reading social cues: May need explicit teaching

Competency 5: Responsible Decision-Making

What CASEL Says (K-12 Definition)

"The ability to make constructive choices about personal behavior and social interactions based on ethical standards, safety concerns, and social norms."

What This Looks Like in Toddlers & Preschoolers

Ages 2-3: Beginning Cause and Effect Understanding

• Learning consequences: "If I drop cup, milk spills"
• Basic safety awareness: Knows "hot" means don't touch (with reminders)
• Making simple choices: "Red shirt or blue shirt?"
• Testing boundaries: Watches your reaction to gauge if behavior is acceptable

Ages 3-4: Developing Problem-Solving

• Anticipating consequences: "If I hit, I go to time-out"
• Making choices with support: Can choose and explain why
• Beginning problem-solving: "Can't reach toy—I'll get stool"
• Understanding rules: Can explain simple rules ("We don't hit because it hurts")

Ages 4-6: More Complex Decision-Making

• Generating multiple solutions: "We could share, take turns, or play with something else"
• Considering others: "If I take all the cookies, they won't have any"
• Safety decision-making: "That's too high to climb," "I need a grown-up"
• Moral reasoning emerging: "It's not nice to lie," "Stealing is wrong"

How to Support Responsible Decision-Making

• Offer choices: Give two appropriate options throughout day
• Ask problem-solving questions: "What could you try?" instead of solving for them
• Connect actions to consequences: Natural and logical consequences
• Discuss safety: "Why do we hold hands in parking lot?" Explain reasons

Developmental Limitations

Important: Executive function required for decision-making is limited in young children. Don't expect consistent good choices (impulse control is weak), long-term thinking, or complex moral reasoning.

How CASEL Competencies Work Together

These five competencies aren't isolated—they're interconnected:

Example: Playground Conflict

Situation: Two 4-year-olds both want to go down the slide.

• Self-Awareness: "I'm frustrated because I want a turn"
• Self-Management: Takes deep breath instead of pushing
• Social Awareness: "She wants a turn too. She's also frustrated."
• Relationship Skills: "Can we take turns?"
• Responsible Decision-Making: "Taking turns is safer and fairer."

This scenario requires ALL five competencies working together. That's why SEL is complex—and takes years of development.

Building Blocks Approach

1. Start with self-awareness: Can't regulate emotions you can't identify
2. Build self-management through co-regulation: Your regulation supports theirs
3. Develop social awareness through narration: Point out others' feelings constantly
4. Practice relationship skills in safe contexts: Facilitated playdates with coaching
5. Teach decision-making with scaffolding: Start with binary choices

CASEL in Different Settings

CASEL at Home

• Emotion coaching and co-regulation
• Modeling all five competencies
• Creating predictable routines
• Facilitating peer interactions
• Offering choices and problem-solving opportunities

CASEL in Preschool/Daycare

• Structured SEL curriculum (songs, stories, activities)
• Classroom rules and routines
• Conflict mediation teaching relationship skills
• Group activities requiring cooperation
• Explicit teaching of emotional vocabulary

CASEL-Aligned Programs

If your child's school mentions CASEL-aligned curriculum, they might use:

• Second Step: Popular PreK-12 SEL curriculum
• PATHS: Evidence-based PreK program
• Tools of the Mind: Early childhood program emphasizing self-regulation
• Conscious Discipline: Comprehensive SEL approach for early childhood

What If My Child Is Behind?

Wide Range of Normal

Social-emotional development varies widely. Some children are naturally more emotionally expressive, others reserved. Some are social butterflies, others prefer solitary play. This doesn't mean anything is wrong.

When to Seek Professional Evaluation

Consider evaluation if by age 5-6, your child:

• Self-Awareness: Cannot identify basic emotions even with support
• Self-Management: Shows no improvement in regulation over time
• Social Awareness: Shows no awareness of others' emotions
• Relationship Skills: Unable to engage in any cooperative play
• Responsible Decision-Making: No understanding of safety

Who to see: Start with pediatrician, then child psychologist, developmental pediatrician, or play therapist as needed.

Early intervention for social-emotional challenges is highly effective—don't wait.

The Bottom Line: SEL Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Understanding the CASEL framework helps you see social-emotional development as:

• Comprehensive: It's not just "being nice"—it's five interconnected competencies
• Developmental: Skills build slowly from birth through adulthood
• Teachable: These aren't fixed traits—they can be learned and supported
• Essential: SEL predicts long-term success better than IQ

For toddlers and preschoolers (ages 2-6), you're building foundations through:

• Co-regulation and emotion coaching
• Consistent routines and clear expectations
• Modeling all five competencies yourself
• Providing opportunities to practice
• Patience and realistic expectations

The work you do now—naming emotions, teaching regulation strategies, facilitating friendships, offering choices—builds the foundation for a lifetime of social-emotional competence.